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Gone for now

by Toni Sweeney (Age: 30)
copyright 11-12-2003

Age Rating: 4 +

Gone for now you may be
Even as I see
You are even in my dreams,
even as I call to thee

Even in my dreams,
Even in my life,
I see you leave,
as I call to thee

Forever free you may be,
Forever hurt I will be,
But I will have to sick it out
till you come back to me,
It may be in my in my dreams,
it may be in my life,
It even may be as I call to thee
but for now I know
gone for now you may be.

Gone for now you may be,
but till you return to me
I will see you in my dreams
as I call to thee
Gone for now you may be

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        06-26-2010     Leigh Gilholm Fisher        

Very nice; I love the frequent mention of appearances in dreams, since it gives a very forlorn feeling to the poem. The sentiment you expressed is very clear. This was sad though still quite beautiful; good work!

~Leigh of the Commenting Community

        12-15-2006     Tammy Frascona        

So many times have I felt this way... My husband works out of town often and this is exactly how I feel when he is gone. I have a poem you might like called "In Waiting" it elaborates more on my trials.
As for your writing I wish I could have put my feelings this way so simple and yet passionate. I feel like this poem was wrote very quickly because the feelings were there and were vivid enough for you to just write what you felt but in the quickness I think you might have over looked one small detail...Punctuation I will e-mail you a copy of little suggestions for this one OK... if you don't mind.
I think with a few of these ; and maybe one or two of theses ... your writing will be more understood and read with more clarity and feeling.
~~~ Tammy F. Of The Commenting Crusaders ~~~

        11-17-2003     Jessalyn Hamby        

hey as i said before great poem. i say 10 all the way.!!

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