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by tigerlilly
copyright 03-14-2004

Age Rating: 10 +

Petals drop.
One by one.
Off of the flower,
Blowing into the sun.

They're like years passing by
In a time machine.
Your life goes by,
And it's just unscene!

But the petals grow back,
Every time.
Into vibrant new colors,
Bright as sunshine!

Visitor Reads: 1239
Total Reads: 1259

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        01-06-2014     Rachel Brown        

Such an extraordinary poem it forms a truly good read but as short as it is ,
a short and sweet poem as true as can be I truly love the rhythm of this piece and I really really love the poem and this really is a great poem .

        03-07-2005     Anthony Lane Stahlhut        

New petals on the rose and new mornings for the child. We all can start fresh each day.Yesterday cannot be fixed because it is gone, but tomorrow yes tomorrow we still have time! Good poem and thanks, Anthony

        03-16-2004     Joan Jotz        

Hi Lisa,
This piece has potential, but like Steffie said, it needs something more..... maybe a personality to bring the reader into the piece. Short pieces are tough, you have to convey a lot in a few lines. Maybe re-write this as a Haiku, you seem to have a handle on the visual elements!
Keep writing!!


        03-16-2004     Stefanie Mendoza        

A sweet write, but it seems to be lacking punch or aany strong emotion to it. Maybe rethink it a bit and figure out what you want to achieve, how do you want the reader to react? Oh, and the sixth line, change "there is" to there are. E-mail me if you revise anything!


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