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Love Fades Into a Broken Heart

by Meagan Shafer (Age: 28)
copyright 03-28-2004


Age Rating: 13 +

I thought what we had was real
but why, when you could never tell me how you feel?
why did I try so hard for so long?
when right from the start you were doing me wrong
I used to wonder why we'd always fight
but now I know it was because I wasn't being treated right
you say you're confused and you don't know what to do
but you knew all along I was right here with an open heart willing to help you
I thought what we had was meant to be
remember? together forever you and me?
but I guess I was to blind to see
that by myself I couldn't make it last
you couldn't help me so now our relationship is in the past
I thought I was what you wanted
before I found out your words were all just fronted.
I can't keep trying
when I always end up hurt and crying
I'll miss the way our lips touched when we'd kiss
and on our love I will always reminisce
but I just can't go on like this
you know I loved you with all my heart
and that I couldn't stand the thought of us being apart
me without you was like a sun with no rays
I'll never forget all those special days
I'll never forget the way my first love felt
but you'll never know the things in which I dealt
you'll never know all the things I went through
just so I could be with you
I don't know anymore,
I can't be with you when I'm behind closed doors






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        04-06-2004     Toni Sweeney        

Wow!!! This is an awesome poem. the ryming was good and I only found one mistake. On the 6th line wasnt should be wasn't. I can not wait to read more of your works. Keep up the awesome work.
Toni S.

        04-04-2004     Joan Jotz        

Hi Meagan,
You have a very good rhyme scheme in this poem, some very good word choices too. A tender description of love lost, and the sadness it brings.
A few corrections for ya:
"You was doing me wrong---You were doing me wrong.
Your confused--> You're
"You'll never know the all the things..."
Take out the first 'the'.
Good,solid work!

~*~Joan~*~


        04-01-2004     Travis Bauer        

Just a little grammer errors and thats all. Other than that, it's great...
travis



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