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Our Disgrace

by Anthony Lane Stahlhut (Age: 56)
copyright 02-04-2005

Age Rating: 7 +
Our Disgrace

We were never suppose to talk
about what happened in our home.
There is no telling what would happen
if anyone had known.

We made up so many stories,
about the bruises on our face.
We tried to pass the blame on,
hiding from our disgrace.

It wasn't right, but he's our dad,
what's a kid supposed to do?
After all when he was done
he always said," I love you."

We were staying with a friend,
when we heard about the fight.
The sirens echoed across town.
She finally shot him that night.

Now I wonder what it would be like,
if I still had my dad.
If he was here, it wouldn't change.
I so hated the life I had.

Its kind of strange, I don't know why
I miss him, this is true.
It wasn't right, but he was our dad.
What's a kid supposed to do?

It wasn't the best childhood,
but I miss him, so am I a fool?
I know what he did was not right
without his love, what's more cruel

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        06-17-2008     Cassie Sweeney        

This is a really touching poem.
I'm sorry that you had to live through this for your childhood.
Child abuse is a big issue in this country and I wish there was something we could do to stop it.
Having to grow up through something like this is unimaginable.
No matter how bad it was though still be proud that you survived through it. Many people wouldn't be able to manage living through this so be proud that you are one of the few that did.
Great write.
Just a fellow writer,
~*Cassie JSG*~

        03-19-2005     Mary -BrytEyz- Ball        

You know... I always thought I missed my father until I met him one day. All of a sudden all the pain and hurt came rushing back and nearly drowned me... All the anger, the hurt, and betrayal... came flooding in like a sunami (sp?).

I wrote a couple things about it...

Here, (Thank you for commenting on that work, it meant a lot)

and here, (Believe it or not, that's one you have NOT read yet)

And here, (Another I'd like to get your take on)

Your work brought stinging tears to my eyes. A necessary evil.. hopefully it will help someone if not at least to understand that they aren't alone!

        03-09-2005     Delaney Lindley        

Sometimes you have to wonder. Some kids are afraid that if they tell anyone, their blinded love makes them feel their only love at that point in life and the poignant thought of when getting beaten "It's the only way i guess they can know I'm here." Very good write.

        03-03-2005     Chelsea Armstrong        

I hear you loud and clear on this one Anthony. Though I can not share my own story, for it hurts too much to tell. I know what your talking about and possibly how you are feeling. It is a disgrace that these things happen. It is truely amazing, that some chose to ignore the amazing children that lay dormate beneath the surface.

        02-11-2005     SamiJo Mcquiston        

That is so sad. But I don't think it's unusual to miss one's father. This is a ver moving piece, it almost made me cry.
Keep up the good work.

        02-06-2005     Gregory Christiano        

Children are emotionally vulnerable and can easily fall victim to an abusive parent. What can they do but cry for help. Your verse shows this in a very powerful way. An important piece for discussion.

        02-05-2005     David Pekrul        

A dad is a dad, good or bad, and it is natural to miss him, regardless of what he was like. This is a very sad, emotional piece. Well done.

A couple small critiques: Twice you have used the word 'suppose', when it should be 'supposed'.
Also a couple times you used the word 'whats' when it should be spelled 'what's'.

Bear with me: one more thing (just a suggestion)
The lines that read:

We made up so many stories,
about the bruises on our face.
We tried to pass the blame on,
hiding from our disgrace.

You use the plural 'our', then go on to use the singular 'face'. Perhaps it could read as follows:

We made up so many stories,
about the bruises on our faces.
We tried to pass the blame on,
hiding from our disgraces.
(Just a suggestion)

David Pekrul

        02-04-2005     Debra Rose        

"How many times will my neighbor beat his wife? Somewhere in t hat house, there's butcher knife! Why don't she wait till he's sleepin then take him out?" (Insane Clown Posse) I don't think I got that quote exactly right...

It's not wrong to miss your father. Our parents were brought up in a time when beating a child is okay, and sometimes, they don't mean to hurt us as much as they do. If you ever read "Black Boy" by Richard Wright, his mother beats him within an inch of his life, yet he stays dedicated to was okay back then, and he still loved her.

Sometimes, people don't know other ways to act. So they do stupid things. But if he hurt her, hurt you that much, for no cannot be justified. But you love him still. It's not wrong. it's not being a fool. Y ou saw something beyond the violence and's a sign of englightenment. Of true love. Unconditional love...I wish only more children held that for their parents. And Vice Versa.

This is a beautiful poem...and I assure may not have known it...but the love overflowing in this for the man who hurt you cannot exist unless he was on the otherside...loving you back. He did love you...I don't see how he couldn't love someone so adoring of him, despite all flaws.

Utterly magnificent, Anthony. Utterly magnificent.

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