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Proposal by the Sea

by Amelia Zada (Age: 25)
copyright 06-27-2006


Age Rating: 13 +
Proposal by the Sea


We walked among the daisies,
And walked along the sea.
He stopped and turned around
And he said this to me,

"I can not give you money
Or jewelry, diamonds, gold.
But in my heart I love you,
It's you I long to hold.

The way you smile shyly.
The way you wear your hair.
The way, no matter who it is
You always seem to care.

I love you truly, deeply.
Would you please be my bride?
I ask this cause I love you,
In you, I can confide."

I stared at him with passion,
My love for him, it grew.
I took his hand and smiled
and whispered "I'd love too."






Visitor Reads: 1054
Total Reads: 1075
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        07-11-2006     Euna Park        

BeAuTiFuL PoEm!!!

I can't really say anyting except that it is wonderful. I love the way you make it alive and flow to your own rhythm. I read part of your profile, and I think I have an age conflict too. Sometimes I feel like I was just born, sometimes I feel like I'm at least forty. :-D But that's just me.

I can't say anything except for your last stanza, the last line. I think it fell out of the beat, just by a couple hairs. That's all I have to say except this poem is AbSoLuTlY fAnTaStIc.

        07-09-2006     BJ Niktabe        

I have to agree with Tammy, here. With all the "Prince Charming" fairy tales we hear and read while young, it's only natural for a teen to dream of meeting her prince.

Your meter is good and rhyming is great. I only see one error that Charlie pointed out to me. Stanza 3, line 4, 'alway' should be always.

Very good job!
BJ



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