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10 Things Not To Do With A Ninja Squirrel

by Leigh Gilholm Fisher
copyright 09-22-2006

Age Rating: 7 +

1: Don't mock their grenades made out of mixed nuts shells.
2: Don't call their dojo in your back yard shabby.
3: Don't attempt burning them for black magic.
4: Don't try lighting their tails on fire. They have ninja throwing stars!
5: Don't mock their master, he or she has a name and wants to be titled by it.
6: Don't mock them with peanut better through a window, they will get in you house and steal it, and possibly your manga.
7: Don't say you control them and that they're your army, they'll rebel against you like the Shower Gremlin that's heck-bent on making sure you'll never get the water temperature right!
8: Don't use katanas against them! They're well trained with the blade!
9: Don't form an army of chipmunks to attack, the all-knowing squirrels will prevail...
10: And the top thing you never want to do with an infestation of ninja squirrels is...never leave your car unlocked, protect you fuzzy dice with your life!!!

Dedicated to my Ninja Squirrel Knight.

Visitor Reads: 5250
Total Reads: 5310

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        08-23-2012     Alan Reed        

what a wondeful self-help guide --- lol Alan

        11-18-2007     Lauren Turner        

xD Fuzzy Dice.
I love love love it!
Read my poems please?
You always give such good advice.
Oh yeah, but what if I don't have Fuzzy dice?
Hehehe, kidding kidding.
Seriously I don't though.
But GREAT work. It made me laugh.

        11-18-2007     Cassie Sweeney        

Haha! I love this it's hilarious! I saw the title and I decided I had to read it. And of course we must always protect the fuzzy dice! Love em'! You also have to be careful for them chewing up the wires in the hood of your car. That happened to my family and fried it! haha but it's a great story, I enjoyed it.

        04-20-2007     Megan Cox        

Hi! I just read this again, and in the title, shouldn't it be 'presence', not 'presents'? I just noticed this after reading it the tenth time, though! I must be like, half blind!

        04-18-2007     Ashley Hubbard        

I busted out laughing when I read the last one. this was very funny.

        03-29-2007     Megan Cox        

That was really funny! I'm a big fan of Naruto, a ninja anime, so I'm fairly familiar with ninjas. In case you didn't know(but I'm sure you do) those throwing stars are called shuriken, and come in various sizes.

        02-14-2007     Mehrina Asif        

;) Dedicated to "my Ninja Squirrel Knight" eh? You're right Leigh, we *are* getting old. Argh, the intricacies of teenage life. I don't want to be a teenager! I don't want to get older!!

I just read the last one, protect your fuzzy dice with your life. I nearly forgot about the fuzzy dice! Ah, the good old days...

See you tonight! And Happy Valentines Day!

        10-26-2006     Tasha Wells        

I have to agree with the others on that, this, I found was quite funny! ^0^ I take it, that this was for a contest, can't see why ya didn't win!^^ Ah well this is funny, I particually like number 10, don't know why it reminds me of what my bro would say! Gotta go see ya later,

        10-09-2006     Shannon Walter        

This is far too funny. Words can not expalin how funny this is.
Great job!

        09-24-2006     Mehrina Asif        

Ah, the age-old Ninja Squirrels. Last time I checked, I heard that they'd made peace with Jordan. I bet he used this as a guide! :D

"Don't form an army of chipmunks to attack, the all-knowing squirrels will prevail..."

Yar har har! Well, as I'm sure you know, my army isn't made of chipmunks, it's made of Groundhog Samurai! And you should see them in action! I actually saw one fly off my porch and snag a rose from my treasured rose bush, those pests! But for a conversation piece, not to mention defense against the Squirrels, they'll do in a pinch. :D

And now, for the spelling and grammar mistakes...

10 Things Not To Do In The Presence Of A Ninja Squirrel

2: Don't call their dogo in your backyard shabby.

3: Don't attempt to burn them for black magic purposes.

6: Don't mock them with peanut butter through a window, they will get in your house and steal, and possibly your manga as well.

8: Don't use katanas against them! They're well-trained with the blade!

10: And the top thing you never want to do with an infestation of ninja squirrels is... never leave your car unlocked, protect your fuzzy dize with your life!!!"

And that's for spelling and grammar. There were a lot more places where you could spicen it up, but I decided to leave that to you! I can't just rewrite the whole thing, can I? :D Great job, Leigh! It's funny, I love it, and it's a good reminder of good times gone by!

        09-23-2006     Sam Hackel-Butt        

I'm so happy you posted something new! This made me giggle. I might not have been there for all of these jokes, but I recognize many, and laughed. Be sure to e-mail me sometime. We got some catching up to do, lady :)

Of the Commenting Crusaders

        09-23-2006     Jordan Screws        

I am greatly amused by this list, Leigh-chan. What is even more flattering is that you dedicated it to yours truly. As far as its artistic merits go, it is amusing and true... you remember much from our conversations and have added a few original items of your own. A few spelling errors are present, but they are no big deal. However, out of a top ten list, wouldn't the most important item be number one, or are you going from least to most important? At any rate, you did a good job with it.

You bring great honor to the ninja squirrels. Keep up the good work!

Jordan of the Commenting Crusaders
AKA the Ninja Squirrel Knight

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