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Down This Dirt Road

by Cortney Jaruzel (Age: 27)
copyright 05-23-2007

Age Rating: 16 +

Ever get that feeling where you just don't trust yourself? Where you try to better yourself as a person and in the end it seems worthless? You try to fix all your imperfections, yet strangely, you still strive to f*** it up in some way? "This is just a phase, an innocent teenage phase." Sure it is. What else more do you call it?
Remembering childhood memories seem just like yesterday, when I close my eyes at least. Opening them, it's a different story. I imagine the better days of singing along to the Spice Girls, dancing on my back porch with my best friend, who shared many of them same interests. After all, that's what a best friend is, correct? Do everything together, sing to the Spice Girls. Tucking our shirts up as if we're the real thing. Yeah, I remember. Those were the good days, how could one forget? Impossible.
So, after you grow up, maybe mix with the 'wrong' group of people, things change. People change, life is a sudden difference. Sure, you get interested in boys, money, and late night phone calls. From the outside, it was everything everything a mother expected. But the inside, it was a story even I don't like to tell.
"Well, party this weekend? All right, I'm there. Just lie to mom and tell her I'm staying at a friends for the night." Usual routine for the most of us. Of course don't tell her you-know-who will be around, mom dissaproves of her highly. So what, she's MY friend. Don't put her down for the things we both have done. My friends don't influence anything, I chose to be this way and I chose to do these things. "Yes, mother. I know you're just trying to look out for baby daughter, but I'm fine." I don't want to learn from your mistakes, I want to experience and learn on my own.
There comes a point in life, of course, across the utter stupidity of an unlogical, yet great idea. Run away with your best friend. The road between us has been bumpy, yet I still adore her, endlessly. Along down this bumpy dirt road, filled with pot holes and rocks in some spots, I never have thought I'd urge for more. So, soon we tie out hands together and we leave this nightmare.
Well, yes... this got me far. I took off for one night and almost had the cops called on me. I had taken off with my best friend, Amantha, and 'hung out' with our friends Ryan and Scott, in an area not many people approve of. Arbutis Beach. Yeah, there's no beach, lets just say. The night was fun, but around 2 a.m. Ryan's mom showed up and gave us a heads up that my mother was terribly p'd off. Well, so much for that, mom found me the next morning. But Amantha stood by my side the whole time... I always knew she would, too. After that, I knew I wanted to change myself.. definately for the better.
One night mom caught me and a few friends and the
'wrong place'.. oops? Honestly, nothing was happening. Just us hanging out. I now can see why she would be so upset. I told her, once again, I'd be at a specific place and I wasn't. Well, she ended up telling me that all I do is lie and she was going to make me pack my things and send me on my way.. Where? Florida. Dad lives there. But she never did. I remember thinking I'd have no remorse. That I didn't want to care anymore. I quickly changed that after the last incident.

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