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The Porthole Perspective

by Susan Brown (Age: 58)
copyright 09-04-2008


Age Rating: 13 +



The Submariners Gaze


Hooking silver spin
Barnacles flowering rose
Tall grass school splashing

Hooking silver spin
Rose flowering barnacles
Tall grass fish fleeting

Hooking silver spin
Flowering rose barnacles
Tall grass deadlight glow






Visitor Reads: 800
Total Reads: 852
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        11-29-2009     Mae Futter Stein        

Nice Haiku, Susan
It is nice to gaze at the silver spinner as you cast into the deep waters of tall grass and rose shaped barnacles, hoping not to get them caught.
Very well worded......Mae

        08-24-2009     Alan Reed        

I agree with the comments here and notefully, Franks. Good Luck friend in the contest.

Such stillness and clarity. Beautiful piece here. Relaxing and thoughtfilled.

Hooking silver spin is a great line:) -Alan

        04-17-2009     Frank Fields        

I think these can comfortably qualify as Haiku, now. *cough, cough* I'm not too sure where the edits were made, but now the senryu element is gone. Which is good. To my ears, at any rate. Unless there is a subtlety which I am missing. The play on words and positioning is also noted and appreciated. Not quite to the point where I can indulge in Walt's silence of admiration (that would not be Pen, at all! loll, but better stated that you not be greeted with a wall of esoteric silence. No dis to Walt, of course. ^_^ Is just Pen, playing practical pleasures. ^_~

Frank :)

        10-12-2008     Diana Johnson        

well i think your senryu is fun and i've been playing around with doing a column of them to read together...it is fun...you have done a very nice job of connecting your 5/7/5...the haiku and senryu are becoming my favorite poems to write...thanks for sharing...



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