Hearts and Rainbows
Age Rating: 13 +
Craving what can't be gained,
Taking what can't be returned,
Denying you are afraid,
Crossing a bridge that's burned,
Inevitable defeats of the heart.
Once such a straight path,
A gilded highway to nowhere,
The pavement burns the very soul,
In which you seem to cleave,
Insolent way to go down.
Lost beings in a group,
A nod tells too much,
Pain seeping like a drug,
Inside an endless maze,
Isolation to keep your self away.
Dark hallways that lead to nothing,
A white back drop in this world,
Soft mutterings turn into screams,
Echoes go unheard,
Insomnia got the best of you.
Answers on the tip on your finger,
Covered completely in red,
Flowers flow at your feet,
Unbound and scattered,
Insignificance is the new forgetfulness.
The sky turns dark with the moon,
The sun losing to its foe,
Beatings of the stars,
Become the new deterrents,
Inadept to fulfill everything you know.
Broken wings on a butterfly,
Tatters of its colors on the ground,
Flight never seemed so far away,
The end has seen too many,
Inaccessible to the truth.
Heaven has gone to no return,
Eternal hell inhaled into every pore,
Bright lights have been tinted,
Dismal dreams and hopes have spread,
Incredulous to meet your last.
Comments on this Article/Poem:
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Mae Futter Stein
Your poem Hearts and Rainbows goes nicely with your poem. A good title. It, like my poems, need some work, but we can only try to do our best. I know it is written from the heart and you do that very well. I like the verse of "broken wings on a butterfly." I enjoyed reading it very much. Mae
Sometimes a writer/poet/artist will become so engulfed by his/her own thoughts, his/her own visions, they seem to share a rapture with the language--a partnership that is exclusive of the world. Which is fine. It really is.
But, someone like me comes along and say, "Fine, but what does it all mean?" Then I'll answer myself and ask, "Geeesh! You want a road map? Enjoy it for the beauty of the language, if nothing else. And give the writer that 'suspension of disbelief' that you're always talking about."
So the work is read again, then maybe a 3rd or 4th time and some glimmerings finally begin to poke through. ^^
A very indirect, but nonetheless sincere compliment, is that if the work wasn't beguiling 1st time around, it certainly would not have been read a 3rd or 4th.
Leigh Gilholm Fisher
*impressed whistle* Hmm, I really like the contrast of the title and the mood of the piece itself. The name leaves the reader expecting to be unimpressed, but he poem itself does the exact opposite. Very nice.
The descriptions were incredibly vivid and the message of the poem dismal but reflecting a desperation long ago lost, yet still inevitably surfacing at times. I found this one o be a very enjoyable read; great work.
Leigh of the Commenting Community
There is much sadness and a strong sense of defeat here, so compelling and dark, but the title is about "Hearts" (Love) and "Rainbows" (Hope) so I tried to find them in these verses.
A last stanza of reoslve or redemption, if you may, could have been written to complete it, amybe to shine through the colors of Life.
lol ok so i really try not to read other peoples comments so mine dont get mixed with theres. blah lol
was it supposed to be this?
Answers on the tip on your finger, or of*
shrug i dunno.
This was really deep and sort of contradicting which made it even better for me. It was rather depressing. like it held a sorrowful creepy tone to it which is my favorite poetry for some reason.
I dunno i could just be talking to myself here. Anyways
(frequent reader of alma's work <3)
I really wish I could add some shining new insight or startling revelation, but it's not happening here. Alan already said everything as far as criticism goes... let me see what I can offer as far as praise goes. Me parroting what he said would only make my effort invalid, so let me see what I can come up with. So far, I like the good use of metaphor and the search for truth. It is hard to go wrong with those, especially when the theme is finding truth.
The part about the the broken wings of a butterfly sticks out to me the most. Traditionally free-roaming creatures, this "bound" butterfly cannot roam and a lot of things are inaccessible to it in this state. They are far away to a creature whose main method of movement are broken. It is kind of a sad thing to see a broken-winged butterfly, and you have given this feeling of overall sadness a lot of play throughout the work.
Your title is a misleading one, all the more to surprise the reader with the real message of the work. What one expected to be an incredibly happy work turns out to be one with a harsh reality in store, much like life itself can be at times. All in all, you did well with this.
Hearts and Rainbows is a beautiful poem, Alma.
It is a work steeped in symbolism, metaphor and although not always meant to be cheerful, the essence of this write is.
I enjoyed the lines "The sky turns dark with the moon, The sun losing to its foe,
Beatings of the stars.."
You are an accomplished writer. You don't need so many commas my dear. The poet has license but the end of a line or stanza is intrinsically meant to pause the reader. Great piece though.
Thank you :-) Best -Alan