Are You Alright?
Age Rating: 13 +
I don't want to cry anymore,
I'm making the floodgates close the door.
But I am still crying on the inside.
Filling up, I am drowning within a rushing tide.
It's crashing into me breaking little pieces of me away.
And I think he took them with him, to a place that he will not say.
He gave me his heart, or so I thought.
And made me reach for something, that cannot be sought.
I tried to go in, to the place that is sealed tight.
And found myself lost, and crying all night.
The crazy thing is, I think I still want to go in.
I'm not ready to walk away, or completely cave in.
But the entrance has been blocked, and I've been pushed away.
And I'm left hurting and broken, with nothing left to say.
"I'm doing alright" That's how I reply.
When people give me the pitied looks, and ask me "How?" And "Why?"
"I'm keeping myself busy" That's what I say.
As if being busy makes me forget, and it all goes away.
But it never really does, I am carrying it at my side.
It's pulling me down, sinking deeper into the tide.
I want to let go, I am gasping for air.
Pain swells in my chest, but I don't know if I care.
If I do let go, I'm letting go of him.
So I hang on still, because I don't know if I can.
Clinging to the thought that maybe I've crossed his mind.
Or maybe he never really loved me, and I was just blind.
But I don't know what else to do.
How should I handle what I go through?
How do I stand up in the morning, take a deep breath and say "It's all ok?"
When I don't even know how much I'll cry that day...
I picked up my wedding dress, the week after he said goodbye.
And I stood in the shop with the irony of the timing, asking myself "why?"
I've kept it in my closet, because it can't be returned.
I touched what I thought was beautiful, but really it burned.
He never got to see it, or see me try it on.
He wouldn't have wanted to anyway. It would have felt wrong.
I don't know how it fits now that it's in my size,
But it doesn't really matter now, is what I realize.
It hangs in my closet, along with all the memories.
Of all the "I love you's" And sweet and happy things.
He told me he still loved me...But I won't pretend it will last.
How long before he forgets, and I become the past?
These are the things that haunt me day and night.
And these are the things that go through my mind, Every time someone asks me: "Are you alright?"