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My Once Desired Dream

by Rachel Brown (Age: 29)
copyright 03-25-2014


Age Rating: 16 +

Once     desired    dreams   

don't   come     true   in     the   night    before  

they   come    to  be ,   am   I   such   a       fool   

never  meant     to  live     to   love     as    a    constant dreamer?  

I   know       now    that    love    isn't   

Once     desired    dreams   

don't   come     true   in     the   night    before  meant  for   me  as  I am    far  too    

independant    to    depend upon  a  man

they   come    to  be ,   am   I   such   a       fool   

never  meant     to  live     to   love     as    a    constant dreamer?  

I   know       now    that    love    isn't   

meant  for   me  as  I am    far  too     independant    to    depend upon  a  man

is   it   so    wrong    to   remain  as   I  am    and  always   will   be;

I   will     be  a    forever   loyal   friend     no 

matter   how     my   life   my   grant   my   bad  Karma    to    destroy  me   heart   and   

soul    I  will   live    with   a   concreate    heart   and     seek    the  ocean  out     for    true   serenity 

and     peace     no   matter  how   life  may   turn   out    for   us.

I    live    for    the  sea   and  all  its   beauty ,  no   matter   the 

distance   between   us        I   know    where  I      may   have 

gone wrong     within   the   dark   dark   night     so    cold  and   full  of true    loneliness  .  

I  look   for     something     to      give  me 

reason   to   live    for   tomorrow   and     this  ought   to  be  

good enough    for   me      in  the   very end ,

I    love   his     dark   eyes     so      full  of    wonder  and    excitement      too

even  if it     were  only   meant  to   last  a  spit    moment     still  

I   will   live   for    his    strength.

is   it   so    wrong    to   remain  as   I  am    and  always   will   be;

I   will     be  a    forever   loyal   friend     no 

matter   how     my   life   my   grant   my   bad  Karma    to    destroy  me   heart   and   

soul    I  will   live    with   a   concreate    heart   and     seek    the  ocean  out     for    true   serenity 

and     peace     no   matter  how   life  may   turn   out    for   us.

I    live    for    the  sea   and  all  its   beauty ,  no   matter   the 

distance   between   us        I   know    where  I      may   have

gone wrong     within   the   dark   dark   night     so    cold  and   full  of true    loneliness  .  

I  look   for     something     to      give  me 

reason   to   live    for   tomorrow   and     this  ought   to  be  

good enough    for   me      in  the   very end ,

I    love   his     dark   eyes     so      full  of    wonder  and    excitement      too

even  if it     were  only   meant  to   last  a  spit    moment     still  

I   will   live   for    his    strength.







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        03-27-2014     Anthony Lane Stahlhut        

Love is give and take and if you will not budge, it wont be an easy thing to find. What we love does not always lead us to someone that we can love so the choice has to be made. A chance to be together forever or only to last a split moment.

I was not really fond of all the repetition here, but I do see some message in the words. Anthony

        03-26-2014     Frank Fields        

Regardless of arguments over mechanics that can and should be edited, this piece loses its focus and, sadly, its meaning for the reader to really enjoy. Because of the lack of sentencing, paragraphing (stanza division), and punctuation, it's really difficult to make heads or tails of this piece. Editing is, of course, your choice.

Frank :)



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