You Can’t Get Pregnant Standing Up by Jolene Coiner

By Jolene Coiner
Copyright 05-30-2001

“You can’t get pregnant standing up.” Boy, was I stupid or WHAT? Yes, I really believed that when someone told me that I couldn’t get pregnant standing up. Then again, I really had no clue about sex so at that point you could have told me anything and I most likely would have believed it.

Why was I having sex then? Well, I was sick of always ending up with jerks for boyfriends and I FINALLY had a boyfriend that was really nice to me. Of course, according to everyone else I had to sleep with him to keep him. Did he feel that I had to sleep with him to keep him? No, he was being told the same thing.

So we had unprotected sex. One month later, I found out I was pregnant. My mother had always told me that if I got pregnant I was either getting an abortion or giving the baby up. It turned out she had just said that to scare me hoping I WOULDN’T get pregnant. Obviously, it didn’t work.

The morning I told her, she went to work and told my boyfriend, Kirk’s, mother. They both worked at the same place so they knew each other somewhat in passing. Considering that we were both only 15 at the time, obviously his mom really wasn’t very happy about it.

Kirk quit school and went to GED classes at night. He got a job as a gopher for one of the local construction companies and basically worked his butt off for $20 a day. I ended up having to go on Home Study because of problems I was having with the baby.

When I was three months along, my mom decided to move to Pennsylvania to be with her boyfriend and I stayed in Nevada with Kirk and his family. That was hard because I really needed my mother during that time. I understand her doing what she needed to do for herself though.

I hated living with Kirk’s family. There was never any food, which I never understood because my mom said she was sending money to help pay for things for me while I lived there. If we did want anything to eat Kirk had to use the money he made working to buy it. We would baby-sit for people to save up money and anything we could. If we made $20 then we would make that money last the whole week just so there was enough food. There were times I would pass out from low blood sugar because I wasn’t eating right. I remember one time I passed out in a Laundry Mat and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance.

When I was in my eighth month (and had just turned 16), my mother moved to Georgia and decided that I needed to come home. Luckily Kirk’s family knew how much we meant to each other and that being apart would probably kill us both. We had been together nonstop for the last six months so being separated now was like a nightmare to us. Kirk’s parents let him move with me to Georgia so we could be together and also so Kirk would be able to be a part of his child’s life.

Once in Georgia, Kirk got a job at the truck wash working swing shift and I stayed home awaiting the arrival of our little one. With the money he made we could finally eat well and start buying the things we needed for the baby. We bought clothes, a crib, diapers, and everything else we figured a baby would need.

I also finally got to go to the doctor and see how the baby was doing. I found out that I had gained a total of almost 50 pounds and that the baby had grown just like he was suppose to. Everything was fine and the baby was doing great. Boy was that a relief! I finally got to hear my baby’s heartbeat and even though it of course felt real already, it became even more so that day.

On April 26th, 1991 Bret Alexander came into the word. I never knew anything could hurt so bad and swore up and down that NEVER again would I go through this! EVER! I almost broke Kirk’s elbow during delivery because he was holding my hand over the bedrail when a contraction hit. Poor man, I slammed his arm down right over the top of the bedrail.

Two days later we took our son home and started the wonderful adjustment to being new parents. This is the part that they should use in Sex Education classes. They should tell you about what happens AFTER you bring the baby home and what you go through. Up all hours of the night wondering if this little pooping screaming red ball ever sleeps! For that matter does it ever quit eating??

In May, we decided to get married with the nudging of his parents and my mom’s friend, making us an official little family. We always tried our hardest to take care of our son on our own. We always worked to pay for things like food and necessities for Bret even if we were living with relatives at the time. Bret never went without and that meant even if there were some times that WE didn’t eat for days just so he could. I do have to pat not only myself but also Kirk on the back as well. I think we did a pretty great job that first month.

When we turned 17, we moved to Pennsylvania where my mom was again living and got our own house in the next town over. Kirk got a job at a truss company and I stayed home to take care of our son. We stayed home all the time, never going anywhere or really even doing anything because we didn’t have a car or much money to do anything with. We had taken full responsibility for our son and we weren’t about to just push him off on anybody else.

Unfortunately, at 18 we split up and life changed but I think we did a great job for two people that were so young. We could have given the baby up. We could have just pushed him off on our parents. We could have just sat on welfare and soaked them for all we could but we didn’t do any of that. I will always be proud of Kirk and myself both for that.

Things have changed immensely over the years. My son will be 10 next month and he is so great. He’s smart, funny, quick witted, handsome, and so strong. He’s been through so much with me and he’s always been there to hold my hand. He’s a great big brother to his little 6-year-old sister and I believe that boy has wisdom WAY beyond his years.

Unfortunately at the age of 7, he had to deal with the harsh reality that his father decided he didn’t care anymore but I know a part of Bret still hopes. I know a part of me still hopes for him. Maybe someday his father will realize his mistake and decide to be a father again. Hopefully he won’t be too late.

Until then though I’m selfish. I love having my son to myself. I love not having to share him with anyone. I love that Bret makes me Father’s Day cards and tells people that I’m his mom and his dad. I just love HIM.

I too missed the proms and school dances. I never got to have a graduation even though I did get my GED. I never got to go out partying with everyone else on the weekends. I never got to do a lot of things but at the same time, how could I regret all I “never got” to do when I look at my son and remember all the things I HAVE been able to do?

There’s no comparison. You can keep the prom, I have a permanent prom date and he doesn’t care if I’m just wearing my old jeans as long as I show him that “cool” dance move.

Becoming a parent when you’re a teenager really isn’t the smartest thing you can do but sometimes things happen in life that you really hadn’t planned on. All you can do is make the best of it. I think a lot of teens are not only doing the best that they can but also doing a lot better than some people twice their age.

You should wait if at all possible to have a baby. The best thing you can do is give yourself a childhood before you try to give a child one but if you DO get pregnant before you’re 18 and decide to KEEP the baby, make sure you take care of him/her. That child didn’t ASK to have you as a parent, so don’t make them regret that they did when they’re older.

J. Coiner
3/28/01